Paul Auster

from Oracle Night

“You don’t understand,” Grace said. “I’m being punished for last night.”
“Punished? What are you talking about?”
“For snapping at you in the cab. I acted like a shit.”
“No you didn’t. And even if you had, I doubt that God takes his revenge on people by giving them the stomach flu.”
Grace closed her eyes and smiled. “You’ve always loved me, haven’t you, Sidney?”
“From the first moment I saw you.”
“Do you know why I married you?”
“No. I’ve never been brave enough to ask.”
“Because I knew you’d never let me down.”
“You bet on the wrong horse, Grace. I’ve been letting you down for almost a year now. First, I drag you through hell by getting sick, and then I throw us into debt with nine hundred unpaid medical bills. Without your job, we’d be out on the street. You’re carrying me on your shoulders, Ms. Tebbetts. I’m a kept man.”
“I’m not talking about money.”
“I know you’re not. But you’re still getting a raw deal.”
“I’m the one who owes you, Sid. More than you know – more than you’ll ever know.. As long as you’re not disappointed in me, I can live through anything.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to understand. Just keep on loving me, and everything will take care of itself.”
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…I wanted to stay married to her for the rest of my life, and if Grace had slipped at some point or done something she wasn’t proud of, what difference could that make in the long run? It wasn’t my job to judge her. I was her husband, not a lieutenant in the moral police, and I meant to stay by her no matter what. Just keep loving me. Those were simple instruction, and unless she decided to cancel them at some future date, I intended to obey her wishes until the very end.